Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
