Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
