something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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