i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
