Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
