sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
