also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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