I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
