i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
