Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
