This is not my ceiling
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
