just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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