I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
