last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
try to milk me bitch
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