I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
