YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
