Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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