i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
