I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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