if you like me you must not know who I am
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't deserve a penis
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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