Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
