Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
