areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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