She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
