I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
