I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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