so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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