lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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