I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
