I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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