he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
