haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
