Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
