I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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