Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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