Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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