Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
