...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i came on her dog
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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