woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
