My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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