I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
