I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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