Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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