I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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