woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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