I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
