my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
