yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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