bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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