i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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