Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
being pregnant is like rehab
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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