At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
