My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
