Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
