based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
