real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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