Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
