My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
