I never want to see another naked old woman again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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