Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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