Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
