She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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