Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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