Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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