just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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